


The Universe's Will

by so_many_fanworks_so_little_time



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, End Scene, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Elio Perlman, POV First Person, Sad Ending, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:55:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21605650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/so_many_fanworks_so_little_time/pseuds/so_many_fanworks_so_little_time
Summary: "‘If the universe wills it to be so, it will happen’. Elio… flip a coin and if it lands on heads, I promise you, the universe promises you, we will see each other again."
Relationships: Oliver/Elio Perlman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	The Universe's Will

**Author's Note:**

> So I apologise now, this isn't the happiest of fics. But at the same time there is maybe a bit of happiness for the future? If you squint.

“Elio? Elioelioelioelioelio.”

There’s a long pause on the other line, a deep inhale, and then a low whisper, “Oliver… I remember everything.”

I shut my eyes tight, can’t stand the thoughts that come along with that confession. The thought that maybe, just maybe, his feelings run as deep for me as mine do for him.

“I need you to do something for me,” He mutters in a low voice. How I miss that voice. The way it could wrap around me like the warmest blanket by the fire on a frosted winter night. I miss the way he would utter my name, his name, and his eyes would sparkle with something that no words could ever explain.

“Anything.” It was true. I would do anything for him. It was almost like I couldn’t bear to disappoint him, which in truth I could not, but he was not mine anymore. No, he was never mine in the first place, but it felt as though he had been.

On dark nights with the cool summer breeze rustling the tree tops, I would gaze in to eyes that weren’t my own, yet seemed like they were, it felt in those moments as though he belonged to me, and in turn I him. I felt complete, as though my missing part had been found. And I couldn’t bear to let it go, let him go, when the time came. So of course, I would do anything for him, even now, if it meant I’d have a few moments more with him.

“I want you to flip a coin for me.”

“A coin?” I would do it. We both knew already that I would. Any further questions were just my selfish need to hear his voice again. To imagine that he is still here with me today. The house would be alive, he always had a way of lighting up a room, brightening even the darkest of moods. But then if he was here, my mood wouldn’t be as dark as the night sky. It would be filled with colour, northern lights stretching across towards the horizon, dancing beneath my skin, sparkling in my eyes. If he was here now, there would be no end to my joy.

“Yes, a coin… Before I left, your father told me something that I haven’t been able to forget. ‘If the universe wills it to be so, it will happen’. Elio… flip a coin and if it lands on heads, I promise you, the universe promises you, we will see each other again. And I hope with all of my heart that it will be so.”

“What happens if…” I cannot finish the thought, but he knows what I mean. Always has known. All of my lingering glances, touches, he knew what every one of them meant.

“I will defy the universe and find a way back to you Elio. Because I can’t bear the thought of never seeing you again.”

I nod, though he cannot see me. I understand what he is saying too. That if the universe chooses to separate us, one day we will meet again. Not by accident or coincidence. But that both of us will have to make a conscious decision to will the meeting in to existence. But even then, we will never get back what we had. If the universe does not will it to be, it won’t. I will never get to feel his touch again, never get to call him by my name, and by extension I will never hear his own name muttered from his lips as he addresses me.

“Okay,” I whisper. I promise him I will do it, despite the fear that grips at my heart of possibly never having his arms wrapped tight around me again.

The call ends and I walk in to the other room. A coin sits upon the table, a part of the decoration that Mafalda has put out. Picking it up makes my fingers shake, but I persevere, flipping the coin neatly so that it lands upon the table.

I almost can’t bear to look, glancing at it and then away, before I am forced to look closely at the picture engraved on the coin to make sure I see the universe’s answer, to see our fate.

Tears prick my eyes, blurring the image of the cityscape that has been etched on to the back. I turn away, unable to stare it any longer. How could she be so cruel?

I remove my headphones, no longer in the mood to listen to music. Besides, my thoughts are too loud to hear it anyway.

Crouching down by the fire I stare in to the dancing flames. Should I flip again? No. Oliver told me I couldn’t. The universe has given her answer, and we have to accept that. The thought of Oliver sat by the phone, waiting for me to call back if it said yes, pushes tears past my eyes. Is his heart breaking like mine? Is he sat in his armchair, tears rolling down his cheeks too? Or has he shrugged it off, stood up and walked to find his fiancée, forgetting me? No. He wouldn’t do that. _‘I will defy the universe and find a way back to you Elio’._ I just have to trust in his word that he will. And I do. I trust him with my very being, trust him with my body, my heart, my soul. He owns it all, even if I myself no longer own him.

The universe may have said no, but we will find a way.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments greatly appreciated


End file.
